The times we live #MondayMusings

Two days back one of my friends visited me after a long gap accompanied by her 3 year old girl.  The three year old immediately started exploring my house and jumping and running around.  Finally, she got tired and jumped onto a chair and tucked her feet on the edge of the chair.  I heard my friend admonishing her and saying ‘chaddi dikhayechhe, tu seedhi baith’ means ‘Your underwear is showing, sit straight’.  It was a bit of a shock for me as I do not have girls and I do not really worry about such things.  But, then I realised that the times we now live in,  every bit of cautiousness is needed.  Making a three year old understand that someone will look at you with as a sex object is horrifying. 

But what else can we do except being vigilant and then a bit more vigilant.  What is there to be done but hoping nothing happens to our children when we read about the Kathua and Unnao cases?  Then we hear about a son who raped the mother not in the wildlands of a society living in obscurity,  but in a 100% literate state like Kerala.  Instead of being shocked and ashamed,  there was a whatsapp video of a guy explaining to us that we shouldn’t be shocked,  this is a one off case and not the norm.  But how much longer since the one-off will become normal.

People are quick to blame that it is the fault in the way we are bringing up our sons.  As a mother of sons,  let me tell you,  that is not the case.  We have to be equally careful about our boys.  My younger son is 12.  My husband has forbidden me to send him to shops in the evenings.  I get worried if my elder, 18 year old gets friendly with a girl.  What if the family of the girl is ultra conservative and attack my son for being friendly with the girl? I worry more if the girl is from a different caste.  We are atheists when it comes to caste or religion.  We believe in God but everyone is free to choose their own God.  The boys do not understand caste or religion.

During my childhood,  me and my friends would play day in and day out in and around our societies.  If my parents went out,  they would ask the neighbour, or an elder child or even the watchman to keep an eye on us.  And we grew up just fine with not a thought in our heads.  But,  can we do the same now?  Though my sons are older now and are pretty independent,  I do not think I will trust them with a watchman,  or a neighbour or even some elderly folks.   Have we denigrated so much,  that we are worse than animals now?  Is this the evolution man has achieved with his superior intelligence?

Can we put up cameras everywhere and monitor the children? Why cannot we teach our children at home and in school about sexual education?  It is the need of the hour.  Children are curious and they source all the information they want from the internet and we know the dubious information there.  It is highly and urgently important to provide sex education in school.  The people who object worry about our children being sexually active before their age.  I believe that is really not a problem if we teach them to make the right and correct choices.  It is like teaching kids about fire safety.  They need to know what can cause fire and if there is a fire how he can reach safety.  Only awareness can get us through this rape crisis.

What do you think?

I am not linking to any news reports for the cases mentioned above.  But they are all true.


5 Comments Add yours

  1. Jina says:

    i think the solution is wonder around our thoughts but still we are finding… lets keep calm and think positive.. may this issue can get solutions.


  2. Vinitha says:

    This has become a dreadful problem now, hasn’t it? Both boys and girls are equally affected one way or the other. I completely agree with you, Lata, we have to make them aware of the problems and the consequences.


  3. prabhu says:

    i agree with you and the solution is to get aware of the things which can produce the positive vibes.


  4. Shalzmojo says:

    It has become a very strange and weird world today Lata; my thinking process tells me so too. Consider this, I had moved into a new colony and one day while going down the stairs a young lad of about 17-18 wished me with a smile. I was initially pleased about him having such good manners; but then I started noticing that he only wishes me, goes out of the way to wish me and sometimes waits me to come down by loitering about on the stairs too. Now It could be my imagination or maybe there is something to it; either ways I have decided to avoid him as I dont want any untoward incident. He is only a teenager, I dont even know who his parents are and I havent ever spoken to him other than returned his good evening wish – but I do know that I have felt a little uncomfortable – so i decided to listen to my instincts and am letting this be. Indeed times that we live in are confusing and weird!


  5. LAta it is a complex situation here actually. The point is one need not bring in that thought that someone will look at you as a sex object. At the same time, it is important to also be vigilant and guide the child. And this applies to both genders. Probably it is more for girls, due to the nature of their clothing. Having two little girls at home, there are certain things I teach them. I tell them to sit straight and properly, to maintain a proper posture and not tell them that something is visible. I generally ensure there are bloomers/ shorts inside dresses. So at least the child can jump and do what it wants to do, and doesnt have to think of any sex angle. But yes, as you have mentioned, like fire safety, I keep repeating the good touch bad touch angle, and tell them to scream, kick, run and bite for their safety. what to do, we are living in a cruel world and one must keep them aware.


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